Attachment Theory
Attachment theory relates adult behavior in intimate relationships to experiences in early childhood. It is becoming increasingly utilised in popular psychology and clinical practice.
Founding theorist, John Bowlby claimed that an infant between 6/9 to 36 months forms an attachment bond with their primary caregiver which will become the blueprint for future relationships. The child is said to develop an ‘internal working model’ of relationships which is composed of “mental representations [which] refer to the kind of memories, experiences, outcomes, feelings and knowledge about what tends to happen in relationships, particularly with attachment figures at times of need.” (Howe, 2005, p.29).
Ideally, in childhood an infant should receive a sufficient degree of care, leading the child to feel soothed when distressed, protected, carefully understood, special and unconditionally loved (Brown & Elliot, 2016, p.86). If these conditions are adequately met, the child will develop ‘secure attachment’ and have an internal working model which predicts relationships to be caring, supportive and complex.
Due to a caregiver’s own attachment issues, trauma, mental health or situational stressors, they may not be able to meet the essential relational needs of the child. If this occurs the child is said to develop ‘insecure attachment’ (preoccupied, avoidant, or disorganised) and an internal working model based on an essential distrust of relationships. Their internal working model will also include a range of strategies which are triggered when an individual feels anxious in relationship. In adulthood these early attachment strategies can often become maladaptive and lead to confusion, conflict and discomfort in intimate partnerships.
Preoccupied
Infants who later develop the adult attachment style of ‘preoccupied’ or ‘anxious’ attachment had caregivers who were inconsistent in meeting the essential attachment needs of the child. Caregivers may have been too intrusive, distractable or inconsistently attuned, leading the child to become anxious about the reliability of attachment figures. In turn, the child increases the expression of their distress to elicit care.
In adulthood, these individuals may experience a consistent sense of distrust in the love of their partner and utilise a range of strategies to gain closeness and reduce feelings of anxiety. An individual with preoccupied-anxious attachment may experience the following (Brown & Elliot, 2016, p.109):
Excessive anxiety about relationship
Fear of abandonment
Resentment
Angry ‘protest’ behavior
Jealousy
Fear of being alone
Compulsive caretaking
Easily emotionally dysregulated
Excessive need for approval or reassurance
Secure
Individuals with secure attachment had parents who were adequately attuned to their needs, soothed their emotional dysregulation, gave unconditional positive regard, expressed delight upon seeing their child and made the child feel protected.
As adults, securely attached individuals are collaborative participants in their intimate relationships. They exhibit the following qualities in relationship (Brown & Elliot, 2016, p.109):
Capable of emotional vulnerability
Instigates emotional intimacy
Healthy interdependence
Capable of being alone
Can receive critical feedback without high distress
Self-reflective
Trusting
Values relationship
Avoidant
When a caregiver is often absent, dismisses or scolds their infant’s attempt to gain closeness: “Avoidance appears to be a reasonable strategy for managing distress in relation to a consistently emotionally unavailable and subtle irritable caregiver who is communicating “Don’t bother me with your needs or distress.”” (Allen, 2013, p.8). The child in turn ‘deactivates’ their attachment needs, to please their caregiver and maintain some level of relational safety.
In adulthood, avoidant individuals have difficulty with intimacy in relationships and tend to prioritise independence and exploration over relationship. An individual with avoidant attachment may exhibit the following behaviors (Brown & Elliot, 2016, p.109) -
Avoid getting close or physical/emotional intimacy
Appear detached
Fear of closeness
Reduced emotionality
Discomfort sharing vulnerability
Pulls away when someone gets close
Mixed feelings towards their partner
Disorganised
When a caregiver may be described as “frightened” or “frightening” due to their own disorganised attachment, trauma or mental health issues, an infant is said to develop ‘disorganised attachment’. Rather than being ‘disorganised’, this attachment style does in fact have an adaptive strategy in relation to unpredictable and unsafe caregivers. In response to a caregiver who may be erratic, neglectful or relying on the infant for their own self-soothing, the child learns to maintain some proximity to the caregiver for safety whilst also remaining on high-alert or dissociating.
In adulthood, individuals with disorganised attachment commonly experience ““[s]table instability” in relationships” (Brown & Elliot, 2016, p.109). Their behavior in relationships may be characterised by (Brown & Elliot, 2016, p.109) -
A mixture of avoidant and preoccupied behaviors
Impaired self-agency
Difficulty in achieving goals
Engage less with explorative and playful activities
Controlling
Excessive caretaking
Submission
Difficulty in attaining the type of relational response they want
Treatment
This model may be applicable to you if you are currently experiencing relational difficulties or have noticed chronic patterns of conflict, disappointment, frustration, anger or mistrust in relationship. Alexandra is trained in the ‘Ideal Parent Figure Protocol’, which is a leading-edge, evidence-based technique for the development of secure attachment developed by expert theorist, Daniel P Brown.
Additional Resources
For more information and to take a quiz on your attachment style - https://www.attachmentproject.com/
References
Allan, J.G. (2013) Restoring Mentalizing in Attachment Relationships: Treating Trauma with Plan Old Therapy. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing.
Brown, D. P., & Elliott, D. S. (2016). Attachment disturbances in adults: Treatment for comprehensive repair. New York, NY: WW Norton & Company.
Howe, D. (2005). Child Abuse and Neglect: Attachment, Development and Intervention. London: Red Globe Press.